Originally written for 7Bit Arcade, the original has since been taken down, this one has been edited to make it read better and stuff.
We here at 7bit towers/dungeons enjoy our games. We have to, otherwise this site would be incredibly boring and duller than ditchwater to read. But, as much as we love gaming, we have to face facts and admit that not every game is brilliant. Hell, some games aren’t even very good. This brings us to a very troubling dilemma… What do you do with a bad game?
If you answered with “Trade it in or sell it online”, well done, you’re clearly a saner man than myself. But why go for sanity when you can go for awesome? One way gives you a slight return on your investment; our way gives you the fun that the game originally promised. In this latest Top 7, we’ve compiled some of the more extravagant ideas you can utilise for getting the best out of bad games.
Gaming T-shirts are hugely popular at the moment. They’re an extension of our hobby that identifies us to people who also share our lust for gaming and make us chuckle when we spot them. But, you know what, as much as we love them, gaming fashion could be so much better.
We’ve already seen the Gameboy Necklace, now it’s the time for the Bad Game Earring.
Using a not so fantastic game as jewellery piece is a brilliant idea, because not only does it alert everyone you see that day to the fact that you are a gamer, but it also saves you money in the long run. Instead of buying lots of jewellery pieces, just create your own! You can go for the classic chain plus disc around the neck combo or try cutting out unique shapes for ear rings. Really, the possibilities end at the same point your imagination does.
Exercise is an important aspect of any lifestyle and playing WWE followed by FIFA, regrettably, does not count as exercise. However, you can use games that you don’t want to play in your fitness regime. For instance, frisbee is one of the better sports to play with friends. It’s fun, requires a bit of skill and best of all, involves more standing than moving. But, getting hold of a frisbee involves effort and most frisbees aren’t small and shiny. Swap plastic flying disc for bad game and et voilà, you’ve got yourself the best frisbee you’ll ever own.
But some of our readers have more class than that. They prefer their sports to have weapons and gunfire in them, like Clay Pigeon shooting. We’re down with that and the principle of swapping objects in sports can be applied to this as well. In fact, it can be applied to any sport, as long as you accept that you’re putting sports like Football, Rugby or Tennis on hard mode by using a disc instead of a ball.
5. Modern Art
Art is a very tricky topic to nail down and can be interpreted in a variety of ways, but I’ve always believed it to be about the emotional reaction you have to it. Nothing is more emotional than shelling out for a game, only to come back, play it and be disappointed by it. In this situation, you may have just stumbled onto a piece of modern art!
Take the box and/or disc and start getting creative. Find a way to mould these items into a visual metaphor for the rage and suffering they caused you and then try to either a) sell it or b) hang it on your wall and marvel at the impact that it has had on your soul. At the very least, the game has unlocked a deeper emotive understanding of your core psyche, something that no trade-in offer could ever match.
4. Battle Armour
Once you leave home, there is a very strong chance that you’ll need to live with other people, people who will help split the bills and give you a home away from home. These are flat-mates. On the whole, they will be your friends, but sometimes you will need to engage them in mortal combat – yes, with a c instead of a k – because that’s the way the world works. To protect yourself, you’ll need armour.
If you’ve saved up more than a few less-than-stellar games over the year, you’ll now have a chance to put them to much better use. Secure them around your chest using either string or elastic bands and then maybe have three or four left over to use a shield. By this point, you’ll be ready to go to the conflict and if the sight of you wearing a game-made suit of armour doesn’t resolve any tensions immediately, then the armour clearly wasn’t good enough.
3. Hiding stuff
Everyone has secrets, as the old cliché/saying goes, but not everyone knows how to hide them correctly. Hell, they might not even be that secretive, but if you want to make sure that no-one gets a hold of them, what better place to stow them away than inside a game case that you’ll never want to open again?
Money you’ve acquired? Line the manual for that JRPG you never got on with. Documents that hold your plans for the zombie apocalypse? Pop them underneath the disc of that copy of Pure Football you’ve kept around for all these years. People might assume you’ve got a bizarre taste in games, but at least they’ll never know what you’re hiding…
It’s a dangerous game, this writing malarkey. One moment you’re typing away about why X game is much better than Y game and then, like Raiden taking over from Snake, circumstances change, the internet wants you dead and you’re thrust into a deadly game of cat and mouse. I’m sure it’s something that plagues everyone on the internet as well. How do you go about your business while still being able to remain on high alert? Keep a few handy games lying around that you won’t mind using to your advantage, naturally.
Firstly, the shiny side of a disc may not look like much to most people, but to the trained eye, it can be used as a mirror to spy on people sneaking up behind you, while they think you’re just crying over the fact you own that game. Secondly, in a tight spot, game discs are effective projectile weapons, when you need to make a quick escape, one quick expert throw and you’ll be back undercover in no time.
When people think of recycling games, they think of going to Game and giving it back for a bit of money. As wallet friendly as that may be, it’s also not indirectly saving the planet. “How can I save the planet with this 4/10 game” I hear you bellow through the space/time continuum. Well, by recycling of course!
Now, you could go about this the correct way and recycle them properly, giving a little back to the environment and help to keep this crazy planet spinning. Or, try fashioning them for use around the house. You need a new coaster? CD’s are fun to look and keep most liquids off the coffee table. That chair you’ve got is a bit wonky? Whack a box or manual under it, problem fixed!
What are your ways of turning a bad game into a useful household appliance? Let me know below in the box that has something to do with comments.